(aka Confessions of a Girl Finding a Boy in The Era of the Google)
The second after I saw your name, I was on the University intranet furiously trying to track down your photo. The very second after. I kid you not. Your surname intrigued. I haven't heard a classier end to a name than mine, and yours just echoed that belief. Oh you dark fellow with that impish smile and sparkling eyes - you are easy enough to find! Lucky you - my standards are low - your face is a pass.
Facebook tracking you will the next step. This is where, from your display picture I shall judge you on your height and weight. Simultaneously your educational qualifications, quotations, interests, sports, books, TV shows and anything else you might have liked (in the accordingly descending order of importance) shall let me assess whether you possess the minimum level of intelligence that would persuade me to spend ten seconds of my time conversing with you when I meet you next week for the first time in my life.
That rendezvous, I assure you, shall surely surely not occur if your Facebook profile reveals an equivalent variation of expressions such as "I luvvv u LYF! Live2dfullest folks! whatttt a nite! muah!" Smoking and alcohol are similar turnoffs. So are photographs taken on your webcam into which you (try to) stare smoulderingly... Also, no made up occupations please. And definitely no pictures of you holding hands with another girl. For the latter, I might glance at it for a second more with maybe some reflexive affection welling in my eyes. But that's it. Not a moment more shall be wasted on you, you taken tragedy.
While we are at it. It honestly doesn't matter if your Facebook friends number less than 200. In a queer way, I can interpret that to convey a sense of being too occupied in saving the world to log onto FB often enough to amass friends. Too many friends might even make you seem suspiciously like a shallow networker whose every third friend is a future opportunity to be cashed in on. Hey hey, I'm not alleging anything! Yeah I know the league of Zuckerberg can't help but have 5000 friends and 10.7 mn subscribers. Just saying, rest your fears on the friends' front.
What fears, you are no doubt thinking. Seeing that you are virtually untraceable on Facebook. I have spent the past 30 mins clicking on way too many namesakes of yours who are "selfemployed at SUPERMAN!" and have studied at "Harvard Medical School", only to have a fetish for "yummy noodles frm Maharajas", describing yourself as "a talkative, friendly boy who is also called Michael (no, not Jackson haha)" and having a grand total of 63 friends. Ah what? No no dude. Maybe this is an exception, but I do find the "63 friends" creepy.
Besides, none of them are you. I know that. That impish smile I have begun to associate with your name makes me certain that you find my exertions enormously funny. Just remember that when you pat my shoulder from behind and smoothly introduce yourself, after having discovered every living/buried/promising detail of mine through my blog, Facebook, University and anything else the world wide web throws up... when you raise an eyebrow good humouredly, "Maybe we are related with that surname of ours.. one never knows."
I shall eye you carefully...
and stay around to talk. Depends on how tall you are, really.
The second after I saw your name, I was on the University intranet furiously trying to track down your photo. The very second after. I kid you not. Your surname intrigued. I haven't heard a classier end to a name than mine, and yours just echoed that belief. Oh you dark fellow with that impish smile and sparkling eyes - you are easy enough to find! Lucky you - my standards are low - your face is a pass.
Facebook tracking you will the next step. This is where, from your display picture I shall judge you on your height and weight. Simultaneously your educational qualifications, quotations, interests, sports, books, TV shows and anything else you might have liked (in the accordingly descending order of importance) shall let me assess whether you possess the minimum level of intelligence that would persuade me to spend ten seconds of my time conversing with you when I meet you next week for the first time in my life.
That rendezvous, I assure you, shall surely surely not occur if your Facebook profile reveals an equivalent variation of expressions such as "I luvvv u LYF! Live2dfullest folks! whatttt a nite! muah!" Smoking and alcohol are similar turnoffs. So are photographs taken on your webcam into which you (try to) stare smoulderingly... Also, no made up occupations please. And definitely no pictures of you holding hands with another girl. For the latter, I might glance at it for a second more with maybe some reflexive affection welling in my eyes. But that's it. Not a moment more shall be wasted on you, you taken tragedy.
While we are at it. It honestly doesn't matter if your Facebook friends number less than 200. In a queer way, I can interpret that to convey a sense of being too occupied in saving the world to log onto FB often enough to amass friends. Too many friends might even make you seem suspiciously like a shallow networker whose every third friend is a future opportunity to be cashed in on. Hey hey, I'm not alleging anything! Yeah I know the league of Zuckerberg can't help but have 5000 friends and 10.7 mn subscribers. Just saying, rest your fears on the friends' front.
What fears, you are no doubt thinking. Seeing that you are virtually untraceable on Facebook. I have spent the past 30 mins clicking on way too many namesakes of yours who are "selfemployed at SUPERMAN!" and have studied at "Harvard Medical School", only to have a fetish for "yummy noodles frm Maharajas", describing yourself as "a talkative, friendly boy who is also called Michael (no, not Jackson haha)" and having a grand total of 63 friends. Ah what? No no dude. Maybe this is an exception, but I do find the "63 friends" creepy.
Besides, none of them are you. I know that. That impish smile I have begun to associate with your name makes me certain that you find my exertions enormously funny. Just remember that when you pat my shoulder from behind and smoothly introduce yourself, after having discovered every living/buried/promising detail of mine through my blog, Facebook, University and anything else the world wide web throws up... when you raise an eyebrow good humouredly, "Maybe we are related with that surname of ours.. one never knows."
I shall eye you carefully...
and stay around to talk. Depends on how tall you are, really.
2 comments:
Haha wt a super post. must always liv lyf 2 da fullest. fynally a new 1.
Okay seriously though, who is this boy and why don't I know anything about him yet? :-/
Hahaha trust you Devika to leave a comment funnier than all the writing before it. :)
And you don't know anything about this elusive personality because I know nothing about him yet! What a waste of half an hour man.
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